What to Do if You Can't Have Sex with Your Partner

For some people, having sex with their partner isn’t an option. There are a lot of things that can lead to this situation. You partner might be sex repulsed, have sexual trauma that keeps them from being sexually active, or might be physically disabled in a way that disallows them from having sex. No matter what the reason, if you can’t have sex with your partner, you might be at a loss for what to do. Here are some solutions that may be right for you.

Solo Play

Masturbation is healthy for anyone, but may be especially crucial for those of us who are lacking a sex life with someone else. If you’re feeling dissatisfied with a lack of sex, it’s time to take matters into your own hands – literally. Give yourself the physical satisfaction you need. You can even invest a little money in yourself and buy yourself some sex products to help you along and make things more fun.

Make Masturbation a Two-Person Activity

If your partner is open to it, masturbation can be a great way to get satisfaction without having sex. While your partner isn’t able to have sex with you, you still have your own sexual needs to attend to. For some people, masturbating alone can be satisfying enough to make up for the lack of sex. However, for those of us who are more dependent on the romantic and social part of sex, masturbating while your partner is involved can be almost as good as sex. This can be made into a two-person activity in more than one way. 

While sex repulsed partners are not likely to be interested in this, it may work for others. Someone who is disabled may still be very interested in doing sexual things with you, even if they’re unable to perform physically. Someone who is sexually traumatized may be open to doing things where the focus is on you only or where they don’t have to physically participate. The important thing is to make sure that whatever you try is something you are both comfortable doing.

  • Try putting on a show for your partner. For some, being watched can be a huge turn on. 
  • Try having your partner say what they would do to you while you do the things they say to yourself. This can be done without touching each other and adds an element of cooperation.
  • If your partner is okay with doing foreplay type activities where you’re the only one being touched, turn masturbation into foreplay! Getting a helping hand can be a great bonding experience and will be more socially fulfilling than solo masturbation.

Get Outside Help

If your partner is completely uninterested in being involved in sexual activity, you can also involve someone else. While this is definitely not an option for everyone, for some, it can be a saving grace. If you’re interested in having sex with other people, you may want to have a talk with your partner. An open relationship doesn’t work for everyone, but it might just be the right choice for you.

The most important things when considering having sex with people outside your relationship is safety. When it comes to physical safety, ensure you and your partners have been HIV tested. For emotional safety, rely on a sex therapy professional. Having someone to check in on you and your partner and ensure the emotional integrity of your relationship is immensely important. Give us a call if you want to set up an appointment today. We look forward to hearing from you.

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