When You and Your Partner Disagree on Having Kids

No matter what your age, gender, or marital status, it is not uncommon to have a disagreement with your partner about having kids. People from all walks of life find themselves in this situation every day. The question is, what do you do? How do you and your partner continue when you disagree on having kids?

Ensure You Communicate

A huge hurdle that many couples hit when it comes to planning a family is an inability to communicate openly with each other. If you and your partner have only had a few small discussions here or there, where you hit a wall, plan a bigger conversation. Making sure all of your cards are on the table is a huge step in ensuring you understand each other’s stances.

Here are some things it helps to be clear on when discussing children:

  • How many you want or how many is your limit
  • Why you want that many or why you don’t want any at all (This is not meant to mean giving excuses, but actually diving into the reasons you’re not comfortable with it. For some, it’s a fear of the process and responsibility. For others, it’s because of financial instability. These are each something that can be helped with time. However, for others, they simply do not want to raise children, which is something you shouldn’t expect to change.)
  • If you’re open to a change in stance, should the circumstances improve
  • Where you are and aren’t willing to compromise (Such as being open to 1 child, with better financial standing, but never more than that. Make sure you do not compromise in any way that makes you uncomfortable.)

Take Precautions

We all like to believe in our partners, their mental solidity, and their respect for our boundaries. However, when partners disagree on having kids, things can get weird. Unfortunately, it’s common enough for one partner to trick the other into parenthood that we can’t ignore the possibility. 

Your sex and gender are completely irrelevant here. If you don’t want kids, ensure you have a contraception that is completely in your control. This will help to minimize the possibility of your hand being forced. Condoms are not the only option. If you’re at risk of becoming pregnant, take a birth control on the side. If you’re at risk of getting your partner pregnant, you can take birth control as well. Spermicide is very common these days and a great back-up plan. Ensuring you have your body’s part in reproduction under control is important. After all, it’s not unheard of for one partner to put a hole through the shared condoms.

Get Professional Mediation

Handling the baby-making conversations can be difficult, especially if it’s a sensitive or long-standing subject. Make the ordeal easier on yourselves by getting some professional mediation. Having someone else at the wheel of the conversation can help immensely. It allows both partners to partake without either one feeling like the other is steering it in their favor. When you’re ready to work through your plans together, contact us at Toronto Sex Therapy.