Many people are looking for great sex, but not many people ask how to provide good sex. Perhaps it’s time for us to be the change we want to see in the world. Instead of asking what your sexual partner can do for you, let’s ask what you can do for them. After all, people are much more likely to reciprocate quality for quality. So, how do you go about giving your partner a good time during sex?
The Results of Bad Sex
Everyone knows good sex means good things, right? What about bad sex? When you’re with a partner who doesn’t perform well, it’s not usually because of size or experience. Usually, what causes sex to be bad is self interest. The results of bad sex can be stuff as obvious as disappointment and disdain. However, there are also quieter results, such as losing confidence, self esteem, and the feeling of connection that the disappointed party felt toward the other. Because bad sex can lead to such harmful results, we want to avoid it. With that, let’s look at how.
Giving Your Partner a Good Time During Sex
Aiming to Serve
Unless you have a special dynamic in your relationship – one that you and your partner have talked about and agreed is enjoyable for both of you, your aim during sex should be pleasing your partner. If both parties go into sex with the intention to take, take, take, without any giving, they will both leave miserable. Sex is a cooperative activity. When you give, give, give, and your partner does the same, you both leave having gained something. So, remember not to have sex with selfish intent. Not only does it disappoint your partners, it will push them away from you, leaving you disappointed as well.
Listening to Feedback
When going into sex with the right mindset, the first action you should be applying is a willingness to listen for feedback. When your partner says, “Yes, like that,” keep doing what you’re doing. It is frequently lamented that disappointing sexual partners hear, “Yes, like that,” and suddenly feel like getting more creative. It’s as if they are satisfied that they got any reaction at all and consider that phase of experimentation done with.
Pleasing your partner is not meant to be a personal experiment for you, nor some attempt at impressing them with your moves. You should be listening to them and their needs. When you hear, “Yes, like that,” and you keep going like that, you will end up with a very satisfied partner. If they see you listening to them, they will let you know if you should change it up.
The next thing is, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Many people are too afraid to ask questions during sex because they think it will make them look inexperienced or stupid. The fact is, everyone is different and reacts to different things. If you aren’t asking a new sexual partner questions about how they like things because you believe you know what you’re doing, your thinly-masked arrogance is going to lead to bad sex.
Getting Real Experience
The experience you should be striving for with sex is a literacy in sexual communication. The more experienced you are with the 3 points here, the more you will understand what people really need, generally. The more you understand what people’s real desires are in a general sense, the more easily you will be able to target a new person’s individual needs. And that is what giving your partner a good time during sex is all about.
If you and your partner have more struggle in your sex life than just dedication, it might be time to call your local sex therapist. Give us a call if you want to schedule a sex therapy appointment today.