Mindfulness has been a buzzword in the last few years. It basically means being aware of what you are doing in that moment. In a world where smartphones are everywhere, and life has become rather hectic, mindfulness bids that you put down the phone when talking with someone else, eat together as a family, and reflect on the best parts of your day. When it comes to sex, being mindful is no different.
Sex can be a tricky subject to talk about. Most people have been conditioned to think of sex as a very private affair, sometimes too private to even talk about with a partner. Others have only been taught the negative aspects of sex, with unplanned pregnancy and STIs the only topic of conversation growing up. It can be hard to recognize that sex is natural, pleasurable, and that it’s okay to want to enjoy it.
It can be hard to start talking with your partner about sex, so start with yourself. Have a conversation with yourself or better yet, start a journal. Write down the emotions that you have surrounding sex. What you like and what you dislike. What you want to try and what you want to avoid. Think about associations you have with sex. And most importantly, ask yourself if you feel satisfied.
Once you know your own emotions and thoughts around sex, try to have that conversation with your partner. Chances are they’ll be a bit shy or surprised, so maybe let them know you want to have a conversation at a later date. Your partner can journal their thoughts and feeling too. It may feel awkward at first, but it will become easier with practice. Don’t hesitate in asking your partner their opinions and sharing yours.
Perhaps it’s the fact that movies tend to portray an orgasm as the ultimate goal, but there’s a lot more to sex than just the “end”. And if you’re someone who finds it hard to satisfactorily reach that end, then sex can start to be filled with anxiety. When you’re mindful about sex, you’re aware of all the different parts of it. Let your body feel each new sensation and stay in the moment. Don’t worry about what comes next. Instead, appreciate what is happening as it happens.
Perhaps you’re in the middle of sex but your thoughts keep wandering off, being the exact opposite of mindful. Try bringing it back to the moment and focusing on your body and sensation. You can also try being proactive for the next time. Start to look at your daily life and what is currently making you feel stressed. See what changes can be made to make your life more mindful and present in general. Then, when it comes to the bedroom, you can be focused on pleasure.
SEX THERAPY IN TORONTO BY ESTHER BENBIHY
CAN BE REACHED AT 647-295-5935